Confessions

Wow! The mommy guilt sure has been piling up lately. I know this new house is going to be so wonderful once we are finished but it's literally consumed every day, hour, minute and second of mine and RJ's time. Needless to say, "Baby Boy" doesn't have a crib, name (or even THOUGHT of names! Yikes!), bedding or anything :( I'm actually even behind on going to see Dr. Irwin for checkups :( Bad mommy.

Poor Cammy also has been shuffled around. That sweet baby girl only eats, sleeps and rides to the new house where she has to be held the whole time. No fun and she's not getting to play with her toys unless grandparents come and play with her. :( No playdates, no Children's Museum, no summer fun, nothing. The guilt is eating me alive. I think the only thing harder than being the pregnant contractor/mommy of a toddler/buyer would be to add a newborn to the mix. I'm thankful we are doing this now but man I'm to my limit. We've been eat, sleep and dreaming of this house since March 4th!! It might have been easier to built! ha! Thank goodness for Mia (RJ's mom) babysitting and my parents driving down everytime they hear that "desperation" in my voice!

So I'm laughing right now because I titled this post "Campbell May-17 months" and realized I need to change it to something else because obviously I had some things on my chest. I have no idea who really reads this blog. My friends I know understand my state right now but the people that don't really know me must think I've lost my marbles... probably. ha.

Another dilemna of mine right now-- whether to move C to a big girl bed and let the new baby use the crib. She's 17.5 months right now. She'll be 20 months when the baby comes. I don't want to buy a new crib mainly because I love Campbell's round crib. For a boy, I would take off the canopy and make the room more "boyish". I know he probably won't sleep in his crib for the first couple of months but I'm not sure the perfectionalist in me will let the room set crib-less. Plus, he needs a changing table (do I match the color to Campbell's in case I use the round crib?) Campbell's changing table has roses carved in it and glass knobs so I think it's out. Do you ever just get tired of trying to think/plan everything?!?! I'm so there. I wish someone would just TELL me what to do. I'm so tired of planning every electrical outlet and deciding on the perfect faux finish for the cabinets and every other detail for the new house-- I've decided I want to live spontantiously.

Another note, I enrolled C in Grace School back in January for this September. I thought it would be great for her to go 2 days a week starting September. I called two weeks ago and they reminded me of a couple of things and told me the new hours are 8-2:45pm. I started to panic. Really. It felt like my chest was tightening. That's like a whole day of kindergarten! My baby was growing up and would forever be in school. Going from no playdates, no "away from mommy time" except for an hour doing church to 7 hours of school!! Of course, do I have a "minute" to stop and analyze the situation? Not really so instead I have been waking up in the middle of the night trying to figure out what to do. (Who am I kiding... I can't get comfortable with this huge belly to get any sleep!?!) Do I send her or not? I can't talk to RJ about it for more than 2 minutes because he's putting out some "new fire" at the new house all the time. I talked (okay, cried) to my best girlfriends about it and they all said the same thing... with the new baby coming I will need that one on one time with the baby and Campbell will get bored staying around the house. But, C is my baby too and it just feels like I am pushing her to grow up/get out of her crib/change her nap schedule to accommendate the new baby. Well, I broke. I called Grace yesterday and un-enrolled her for the Fall :( We will see how it goes since my parents and RJ's mom will be helping out once he comes. I think 2 years old (January) will be better for us. I also enrolled in Little Gym for the meantime-- baby girl needs socializing skills.

Oh, and I have to take defensive driving before July 20th. Great. Super. I should have just paid the dumb fee. Did I mention I got in an argument with my maid yesterday? Not really an argument but one of those "awkard conversations". Needless to say it upset me all day and night. Disappointing.

The next couple of days are going to be saddening for me. One of the greatest men I have ever known passed away a year ago this week. I miss him everyday and can't really talk to anyone about it. I can see my Papaw in Campbell-- the way she holds her hands to her face, raises one eyebrow, the same "look". I'm going to concentration on our good memories. Please keep my family in your thoughts.


Psalm 29:11 "The LORD gives strength to his people; the LORD blesses his people with peace."

Psalm 119:28 "My soul is weary with sorrow; strengthen me according to your word."
Isaiah 58:11 "The LORD will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail."

p.s.-- have to run to the new house... shocker... the painter didn't show up. Was just informed the house won't be finished by July 6th to move in July 7th. Great. Looks like we will be homeless for a couple of days because of a lazy painter. I probably didn't have time to sit down and write this so please excuse all typo's... no time to even spellcheck! ha.