The Waiting Game

It's a strange feeling being pregnant and even stranger "waiting" for your scheduled c-section. It plays on your emotions. Carrying another life is such a blessing it's hard to describe all the emotions that go with it. I feel like my first trimester lasted forever since we found out at 4 weeks we were expecting (planned). The second and third trimesters have flown by and part of me feels sad it's almost over. This might be the last time I ever feel a kicking baby in my tummy or get to bring another person into this world. RJ and I want a big family, but realistically you never know. On the other hand, I'm really looking forward to finally meeting this little guy I've been totting around. I know nothing about boys so this should be interesting.

It's crazy to think this is the last weekend ever that RJ, Campbell and I will be a family of only three. It's all we have ever known for 20 months now. Life is just going to get better and better with our new addition. I only wish my Papaw was here to meet our little man.

If you know me, you know I like to be in charge. Not being in charge derails me. I like to be organized and make plans. I also like to know what is about to happen. I wish I was more spontatious at times (like RJ and the rest of my family) but I feel like an organized Ashley (and family) run smoother. I'm working on this part of me. That being said, I've been worrying about how Campbell will adjust to the new baby. It's going to rock her little perfect world and that scares me. It's been only her and me during the day, our same little routine day after day, and in about 4 short days all of our "normal" is out of the window. I know change is good. I know. I keep praying about it and reading scripture over and over. I know everything will work out because God is in control. But you other mommy's know it still weighs on us. I just love her so much. I want to be the one that fixes everything for her. Lately, she's been so attached to me. Calling out Momma all the time and not wanting to go to anyone else (not even RJ). I think she senses something is up. She can't get enough of me right now.

Anxiety. Such an ugly word. Anxiety of waiting for Tuesday to come. Anxiety of how the surgery will go. Anxiety of how the recovery will go (and remembering how painful it was last time). Anxiety of the sleepless nights to come. Anxiety of how to love another child as much as I love Campbell. What is wrong with me?!?! I almost didn't write this post. It's pretty personal. But I really get comfort out of talking to other mom's that leave comments and have gone through the same emotions. That is what I love about my Mom's Night Out girls. We share our stories-- good and bad, funny and embarrassing. Mommyhood isn't easy all the time but it's rewarding and I wouldn't change being a mom for anything. I feel so lucky to be able to stay home with my kids.

Every emotion comes full circle and now by the time I'm wrapping this post up I'm feeling blessed. Don't you love hormones?!?!? ha ha.. I really do feel so blessed though. Blessed that I get to be a mommy to two kids. Blessed to have such a wonderful hubby, family and support group of friends. I know Tuesday will be a day of mixed emotions all around, but I also know it will be one of the greatest days of my life and for that I am thankful.

Double the Blessings, Double the Fun!

Such an exciting time in the Johnson household. My sister and her new husband just found out they are expecting a little baby girl at the end of February. We are 'over the moon' about it! They wanted to start a family right away and that they did ;) A little honeymoon baby! Crazy! I'm so excited our little one's will be the same age. A couple of weeks ago we had a small family get together to celebrate our Baby Boy and my sister's Gender Reveal. It was so much fun. I wish I would have pulled my camera out sooner to get pictures of other guest too.

I made this for the party thanks to a friends' tutorial blog (thanks Jean!!!)


Jen (due in Dec) and I
The happy parents-to-be.... it's a GIRL! Aren't they just the cutest couple?!?
RJ and Marcel doing what they do best-- BS'ing! ha!

My sister (due very end of Feb w/a girl) my Mimi, me, my mom

The Big Sister-to-be

Laura, me, Lane

my sister Amber and I

18 Month Pictures

Katelyn, Campbell & Madelyn
Campbell & Lucy Rose

Jackson Hole, Wyoming

I just realized that I never blogged about our Jackson Hole, Wyoming trip we went on with my parents, brother, RJ, Campbell and I. It was Campbell's first airplane ride (she did great!) and vacation. We had SUCH a great time! Thanks Honey and Pepe'!

Baby Boy Update--37 Weeks

I went to see Dr. Irwin yesterday and my heart about stopped! Amy, the nurse, couldn't find his heartbeat immediately like she normally does. You know the worried look and I saw it on her face. She kept moving the wand and then finally said she would check the other side. Why do I freak out so?!?! I knew I had felt him move earlier that day but I thought he was alseep during the appointment. After playing around with the wand some more she finally found his litte heart beat on the left side (never once been over there!). Whew! Then Dr. Irwin came in and measured me and felt the baby through my stomach. Again, I saw this weird look on his face. What is going on?!?! He then did the exam and stopped and said with a big smile that "Baby Boy has turned around!!" He's no longer breach! I'm in shock because I'm 37 weeks and I thought it was uncommon for babies to change this late in the game. Either way, I'm still scheduled for a c-section so nothing really changes.
You might ask if I felt him turn and the answer is yes! (I think) One late night last week he was killing me. It was around 2am and I woke RJ up (of course.. ha ha) and said something was going on. He's very active and kicking all over the place. I "thought" he finally just changed from laying on his right side to his left side (it was really weird like a big ripple over my stomach and very uncomfortable.. by this time I had the lights on and had gotten up to walk around). I never thought he turned head down though. Crazy!
Well, I was talking to my mom and she said I did the same thing. I was breach the whole pregnancy and then turned around head down at 37 weeks. Unfortanely, I turned back frank breach and she had to have a c-section. I'm hoping I'm thinking about it too much but last night felt very similar to the pain I felt when he turned around last week. Surely he didn't turn back breach but at this point I have no idea. He's alot stronger than Campbell and feels longer in length.
I can't believe 2 weeks from now I will be holding him in my arms! I. can't. wait!
RJ and I where laying in bed the other night talking about him and guessing his weight, length, hair color, who he will look like, etc.... Here's our guesses ;)
Me-- 7 lbs, 10 oz, 19 1/2 in, brown hair (no much hair like Campbell), blue eyes, and looks like me (!!) since Campbell is spitting image of RJ.
RJ-- 7 lbs, 14 oz, 19 1/2 in, blonde hair (lots), blue eyes, and looks like him (ha ha... again)

Burp

Yep, you read the title correctly- Burp. My sweet, girlie, prissy, must have everything Mommy has, little girl loves to say the word burp. I can't believe it. She lets out a little burp or weird noise and says burp followed by lots of giggling. Funny yes, but it's getting embarrassing. How did this start you might ask?? She let out a small burp the first time and we laughed and told her ladies don't burp. Apparently, she thought the word burp was "interesting and fun" to say and now loves to repeat it. (In case your wondering, RJ and I don't burp in front of her). Crazy, silly girl! HELP!

The Difference/Similarities in both Pregnancies

This post is mainly for me to remember so I don't forget the differences/similarities between Campbell's pregnancy and Baby Boy's pregnancy.

DIFFERENCES:
Campbell-- throwing up sick before and after every meal from 5 weeks to 7 months!
BB-- nauseous 1st trimester but not bad at all

Campbell-- didn't really start showing until 6 months and gradually gained weight throughout pregnancy
BB-- started showing literally at 4 weeks (no joke) and kept popping out until around 6 months and then finally leveled out.

Campbell-- couldn't eat lettuce, dressings, certain smells killed me, loved pickles and salty foodies
BB-- can eat everything this go around, loves sweets and italian food

Campbell-- swelling! (*note to self don't eat lots of salty things) Right foot was huge and had a hard time catching my breathe, carpe tunnel
BB-- no swelling, no problem catching my breathe, babies breach so lots of pain from his head being launched in my rib cage

Campbell-- lots of energy in both 2nd trimester and all of 3rd trimester
BB-- exhausted the whole 3rd trimester!

Campbell-- heat stroke in Florida
BB-- gestational diabetes scare

Campbell-- feel like I carried the weight everywhere
BB-- feel like I am carrying the weight mainly in my belly like a basketball

Campbell-- had a name and completed nursery by 7 months for sure
BB- has no name and no completed nursery and we are 2 weeks out!

Campbell-- could still get up and out of the bed at night between bathroom breaks by myself- no pain
BB-- lots of pain rolling to my side or *trying* to sit up on my own to get out of bed. I have to wake RJ up for help (I'm embarrassed to even type that! ha!)

SAME:
Campbell & BB-- looks like the same amount of weight gain as of now (I did just eat half a dozen cookies by myself so maybe I should wait on the weight thing.. ha!)
Campbell & BB-- didn't exercise during either pregnancy (bad me!)
Campbell & BB-- same issues of Dr. Irwin not thinking he will be able to deliver the babies
Campbell & BB-- remodeling a house both times
Campbell & BB-- blessed to have easy pregnancies